God's Plans Are Better Than My Dreams
Dreams. I heard this word throughout my life, but I could never quite put my finger on the sentiment until recently. From what I’ve read, the definition is; dreams are understood to be recent autobiographical episodes that become woven with past memories to create a new memory that can be referenced later, but nightmares are simply dreams that cause a strong but unpleasant emotional response. Dreams are things that I’ve spoken of and with several people in my life in different seasons, some living and some that are no longer here, but we all had an idea of at least what our individual dreams were. We’ve all chimed in about what our dreams are, but only a select few from within my 6 degrees of separation have I witnessed them manifest. Motivational speaker Les Brown said, “The graveyard is the richest place on earth because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.” He also stated that, “too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” Now fear is something that I am all too familiar with. For over half my life, anxiety, doubt, and worry held me captive on a short leash. Fear can kill more dreams than failure ever will. And I know a few dreams that are lying dormant in the cemetery now from those whom I’ve known personally that have passed on. I was having a discussion with a friend over coffee the other morning, and I was sharing how as a Christian in organized religion, I was programmed to see everything through the lens of faith. Meaning that it was drilled in me, or should I say that I was willingly force-fed the ideology of faith-intensive messages subconsciously molding me to believe more in what I couldn’t see, than what I could. Now don’t get me wrong, I strongly believe in faith, but I feel like I was conditioned to be more inclined to the narrative of trusting God to do it behind the curtains, rather than me physically watching the stagehands and production crew build the set. I staunchly trust in the system of FAITH, but as an avid DIYer, there have been a few things that if it wasn’t for YouTube and lack of funds, I never would have challenged myself to accomplish. To some of us, seeing IS actually believing, and while it doesn’t work in all segments of life, it rings true to many. I read once that, “the man who moves a mountain begins by carrying small stones.” And I’ve also been in the confines of congregations or communities on many a Sunday morning hearing echoes of faith moving mountains and such. I, without a shadow of a doubt, have the faith of a mustard seed, and I’ve planted that seed in a few grassy knolls only to be consumed by weeds. You’ll never hear me confess to having a green thumb, but you can ask my wife about a few projects that I’ve typed in my google browser that turned out to be “a dream come true scenario.” I’ve made a mess out of a lot of things as I’ve chased my dreams over the years. I’ve attempted to climb a few mountains myself, only to lose my footing and fall face-first into a pile of failure. Why should I keep stepping out on faith when there are no visible steps? Because you have to face your fears to live your dreams. Sometimes you have to risk it all for a dream only you can see. Sometimes life is about risking everything for a dream no one can see but you. Every time I chased my dreams and fell, over time I learned that I needed to “chase” my dream differently. For a long time, I struggled internally because like Moe (Moses) in the Good Book, I would rebuttal with God about not knowing what to do with what I was given. I watched all the YouTube videos on faith, and I still didn’t get it.
Recently, I was vibing in the studio with my recording engineer and we were discussing the mental strain of being older and still attempting to make music in hip-hop and how difficult it can be. We laughed about how we approach our dreams differently the older we get. Studio time and writing songs happen inversely now rather than when I was in my twenties, without a wife and children, and my priorities were simply a car note, a cell phone bill, and a steady supply of weed. In this stage of my life, I’m beginning to understand that your dreams shouldn’t change just because your priorities do. Dreams aren’t plastic, they’re elastic – and as a Christian who participated in the business of church, I was programmed to rely on everything by faith. But in the process of chasing my dreams, I began to appreciate that while knowing I’m in God’s hands, to a certain degree, your life is in your hands, and you have to stop waiting for further instructions. I had to stop asking blind people to proofread my vision. I had to stop asking people who have not been where I was going for directions. After moonlighting for a while as a mountain climber, I, unfortunately, got the hang of falling, and I learned that rock bottom will teach you lessons that mountaintops never will.Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my dream. And I’m learning how to build that dream with the same stones that were thrown at me. When you have to prove people wrong about your dreams, stopping isn’t an option. Dream chasing led me to the foot of the mountain, and in times past, I either prayed for God to remove the mountain or I put my faith in
Matthew 17:20-21 where Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
But while I believe in both, as of recent, I feel like I’ve been assigned this mountain to show others that it CAN be moved. Last year, Dave Chappelle honored Jay-Z at the 36th Annual Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony, and as I witnessed history as part fan/part hip-hop enthusiast, he said these words that summed it up for me, “Oh don’t get it twisted, American pie is not made out of apples, it’s made out of whatever you can get your @#$%* hands on. And I felt that. But so are our dreams. For me it boils down to this, you better get to climbing because those dreams hit different when you remember what you went through to fulfill them.
They call me a dreamer but I’m the one that doesn’t sleep.
